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The Obvious Parallels Between Sleeping with Paris Hilton and Winning a WSOP Bracelet
In just a few short weeks, the world’s greatest sporting event, the World Series of Poker, will get under way.
However, thanks to those Fristian fascists responsible for sneaking the Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act (UIGEA) through the SAFE Port Act last September, the fields won’t be anywhere near as big as they have been in years past.
But does that mean some of the WSOP’s luster has faded? It’s something we here at Wicked Chops Poker are struggling with, and by “struggling with” we mean “just thought about ten minutes ago as we were writing this article.”
With its increased number of events and what will likely be significantly smaller fields, winning a WSOP bracelet just might not mean as much as it did a few years ago.
When you think about it, winning a WSOP bracelet is comparable to sleeping with Paris Hilton. Sure, regardless of what you think of her, as soon as you finished moving “all in,” you’d be calling your friends and bragging about it (while you were speeding off to get tested at your nearest VD clinic). And sure, you’d rather have slept with her like five or six years ago when most people still thought she was hot and she had a little more allure.
The parallels are obvious.
As a straight male, it’s pretty much understood that you have to sleep with Paris Hilton.
And at the end of the day, as a topnotch poker player, it’s pretty much understood that you have to win a bracelet.
But you don’t have to be a MIT grad like Robert Varkonyi, or any one of the thousands of men who have likely slept with Paris Hilton, to understand a bracelet just doesn’t mean as much as it did a few years ago.
Having said this, here are a few things we’d like to see to ensure the WSOP doesn’t lose that luster:
• Doyle Brunson pulls a Cal Ripken – When everyone hated baseball in 1995, Cal Ripken came along and made us appreciate the game again. And what poker player could pull at the heartstrings of even the non-fans of our game like Cal did with his streak? Doyle. We need Doyle Brunson to go deep in the Main Event. Or Paris Hilton. Wait, that’s not funny.
• Moneymaker goes John Daly – Earlier this year we charted the John Daly-esque career arc of Chris Moneymaker. After essentially doing nothing for five years following winning his first major, Daly won the 1995 British Open out of freaking nowhere. Moneymaker helped usher in poker’s first boom. Could another big showing by Moneymaker usher in a second? Well, probably not; but it sure sounds like a great concept.
• Ladies’ Night and Pillow Fight – Picture a final table with Keeley Hazell as the dealer, and consisting of Lacey Jones, Shannon Elizabeth, Liz Lieu, Clonie Gowen, Erica Schoenberg, Evy Ng, Jennifer Tilly, Joanna Krupa, and that chick who dressed up like a Geisha on Day 1 of the 2005 WSOP. Then picture a rollicking round of poker followed by an even more rollicking pillow fight. That would be the coolest thing ever. On that note, we’re off to take a cold shower. Not together though. That’s gross.
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