Top 10 Poker Howlers

Bluffing into the nuts is always a bad plan, but it’s particularly unfortunate when you’re out of position, Sammy Farha and Chris Moneymaker are waiting to act behind you, and you happen to be seated at the most famous WSOP fi nal table of all time. On a board of 9-4-6-6, Vahedi fi res a massive bet with nothing. Farha has 9-9 (Well, okay, so it’s only the second nuts…). Vahedi realizes his mistake, but only after he’s decimated his chip stack and, as it turned out, his shot at the world title. But, hey, you gotta go with your reads.

This happens to you every day on the internet. Your two pair is rivered by a higher two pair, despite your best efforts to make the danged calling station pay to hit. It’s a little surprising, however, when said calling station is Vanessa Rousso. Rousso (A-4) calls Clonie Gowen’s (J-10) big bet on the turn on a board of J-10-A-5. A four hits the river and Gowen value bets. “I have to call,” says Rousso. “Two pair,” says Gowen. “Whoa. I haven’t called yet,” replies Rousso. Gowen looks peeved and asks for a ruling. She looks even more peeved when she sees her opponent’s hand. “Nice hand, Vanessa,” Gowen spits.

We love Jennifer Tilly. She’s our star writer, so we can forgive her for this momentary lack of judgment on NBC’s Poker After Dark. We just hope she can forgive us for bringing it up. With 200/400 blinds, Jennifer raises on the button to 1,200 with jacks and is called by Patrik Antonius, who has 10h 8h. On a board of 10-J-7, Patrik check-calls with his second pair and gutshot draw. A king on the turn is not the card he wants to see, and he checks; Jennifer checks behind. The second king on the river gives Jennifer a full house. Patrik checks, Jennifer… checks??!?. As she turns over her full house, jaws drop around the table. “I thought you had pocket kings,” she says sweetly. Jennifer, didn’t you know that quads only happen on the internet? Fact!

This is a classic example of what medical science calls a “brain fart.” At the NBC Heads-Up Championship, Kristy Gazes and Chad Brown are locked in mortal combat. Chad raises with A-2 suited, Kristy reraises with pocket nines and Chad calls. The fl op is a satanic 6-6-6, which is perhaps what throws Kristy slightly off kilter. Both players check, and the turn is another six, giving Chad the nuts. Kristy can only play the board with a nine kicker — except she misses a beat and thinks she’s got some kind of weird full house. Oddly, Chad checks the nuts on the river. Defi nitely the work of the devil.

Tito, he plays like a crazy man! It’s the United States Poker Championship 2003. Tito Leonidas has been tormenting Phil Hellmuth all day with a succession of fearless bluffs that continually force Phil to fold the best hand. Hellmuth knows he’s at it… now if he can only catch him in the act! The moment of truth arrives when Tito raises with Ah 7h and Hellmuth calls with Qc Jd. The fl op is Q-8-7. Tito, with bottom pair, announces all in. Hellmuth dwells for a while and makes the call. Turn, 6; river, 7. Bang! No justice.

It’s the fi nal table of the US Poker Championships, and, true to form, Hoyt “All in” Corkins decides to move all in with 7-8 off-suit to steal the blinds, despite having a very healthy stack in comparison with said blinds. John D’Agostino, who has Corkins marginally out-chipped, smells something very fi shy indeed. Calling with pocket tens is, therefore, a no-brainer and D’Agostino punches the air when he sees Corkins’ hand. Of course, by the turn, Corkins has quad sevens – which is doubly amazing because we thought that only happened on the internet.

After Gus reraises Antonio’s pocket sevens with 10-8, The Magician pushes all in. Gus, who is getting 2:1 on his money, decides there’s no way he can fold ten-high in this spot. “I don’t get it,” exclaims a bemused Antonio. Duly, Gus wins the race. Okay, so it’s not strictly a donk play. Gus has clearly put Esfandiari on a range of hands, made a decision accordingly, and by jingo he’s right! Just goes to show that, in poker, there’s a fi ne line between genius and donkeyness.

With blinds at 25/50, the hapless Anthony Curtis announces his presence at the table by raising to 20 times the big blind. Did he just throw in the wrong chip? Or maybe he’s scared to see a fl op with his monster hand? Perhaps the clue is in his “Kill Phil” cap. Sammy Farha, hungrily eyeing the amateur’s chips, quickly realizes that if his pocket threes can crack Curtis’s aces, then they will all be his. Sure enough, a three appears in an innocuous looking fl op and Sammy checks. Again, without even stopping to consult his Kill Phil manual, Curtis makes a big overbet and Sammy moves all in. Curtis has managed to completely pot-commit himself and is quickly dispatched to the rail feeling a little foolish.

This one is lost in the mists of time. It was one of those celebrity poker tournaments – we’re not sure when or what it was called. Michael Greco, who has since won a GUKPT event and takes his poker very seriously, limps in with A-Q and is heads up with the portly, fl amboyant fi gure of fun that is UK television personality Christopher Biggins. The fl op comes A-x-x. Greco opts to slow play and checks, Biggins checks behind. The turn is a four. This time, Greco leads out with a large bet; Biggins consults his hand rankings sheet, squints at the board, then back at his sheet, and then calls, thinking he has the straight. The river is a fi ve. Now Biggins has a straight. Biggins checks, Greco goes all in, Biggins calls. Greco tears his hair out. Hilarious! Remember, next time you look down at 2-3 off-suit (from henceforth “the Biggins”) play them fast — like they’re aces. They’re invincible!

Hal Fowler was the worst World Champion poker has ever known. One day, in 1979, high on a cocktail of booze and drugs, he wandered into Binion’s Horseshoe and called his way to victory. Many of the assembled pros that day say they had never witnessed such a streak of miracle outdraws, nor have they since. It was as though Hal’s lifetime supply of luck was condensed into that one tournament, because, it seems, he didn’t have much for the rest of his life. After his victory he disappeared, never to be heard of again, until author Des Wilson, in his excellent book Ghosts at the Table, was able to reconstruct some of the pieces of his subsequent twilight existence and anonymous death. The fi nal hand of the 1979 WSOP? Well, let’s just say Hal unwittingly hit a gutshot to crack Bobby Hoff’s aces.