The Symposium
The Symposium is a philosophical dialogue written by Plato in the 4th century B.C. It is a discussion about the nature of love by seven participants at a drinking party, including Plato’s teacher Socrates. What if some of the great poker professionals of today were at an ancient symposium and the subject was the love of poker?
CHARACTERS: Andy Black (Blackos); Doyle Brunson (Brunsonphanes); Gus Hansen (Hansenopolis); Phil Hellmuth, Jr. (Hellmuthabiades); Daniel Negreanu (Negreanus); Jennifer Tilly (Tillydora); & Socrates, as himself.
Brunsonphanes: My dear friends, let’s raise our cups and each give a toast to the beauty of our mistress… poker. [Tillydora clears her throat.] And, of course, the stunning loveliness of Tillydora. [Hellmuthabiades also clears his throat.] Oh yes, and Hellmuthabiades.
Negreanus: Poker is not just a great competition like the Olympics, it’s a way to look into another’s soul. You cannot play at the highest level without becoming one with the mind of your opponent, and to do this, you must leave your ego and sense of self behind. The state you achieve in this transformation is the same level of transcendence aspired to by spiritual initiates. Of course, there are also the many gold Drachmas for endorsements, but that is another subject.
Socrates: ƒ±ƒÇ ƒÑƒÍ Hades ƒÃƒÇ.ƒ¿ƒÇ ƒÎƒÍƒÈƒÏ. (Translation: What the Hades is poker?)
Tillydora: It is said that poker is a man’s game, but I fi nd men easy to conquer. Their focus is quickly shaken by a pretty face and a fl irtatious word. I trained as an actress and performed in the Theatre of Dionysus. Poker is acting… acting strong when you are weak and weak when you are strong. It’s about appearing unaware and ignorant, like a lost child, when in fact you are a Siren calling men to their death on the rocks. Men are easy. Euripides is diffi cult.
Hansenopolis: I’ve been considered the ‘madman’ of poker. Was Van Gogh mad when he cut off his ear? Was Caligula mad when he appointed his horse as a Roman Senator? Was Wagner mad when he conducted wearing women’s undergarments? Maybe they were a little wacked, but there is a method to my own madness. Just read my new book, Every Hand Revealed, available at all major book stores and outlets for only $15.95.
Blackos: Do I play poker, or does poker play me?
Hellmuthabiades: What a sorry bunch of tools you are, sitting around contemplating your love of poker. Pathetic! You would rather talk than play and fi nd out that I am the best. I wouldn’t be surprised if a bunch of amateur Spartans barged in here and kicked your butts. I might just do it myself. [Stands, and tries to pick up the granite couch to throw at them.] Okay, I’ll let you off this time, but you losers disgust me!
Brunsonphanes: You youngsters have no idea what it was like in the old days. We played on Mt. Olympus, and if Zeus took a bad beat, he would turn his opponent into a small rodent. Those were dangerous but exhilarating times. Now players use newfangled contraptions like the abacus. I long for the lost times when men were men and, occasionally, small rodents. Michael Rome can be found in deep contemplation at his poker philosophy website, www.romepoker.net.
