The LG All-Poker Showdown
December was proving a slow poker month as I prepared to take my wife and four sons on a Christmas pilgrimage back home to the UK, to watch Liverpool FC take on Newcastle United. But all that quickly changed with a phone call from Bluff Founder and Chief Muckety-muck Eddy Kleid.
“There’s this celebrity invitational tournament put on by Chris Moneymaker and Johnny Chan in Vegas on Sunday – just a bunch of celebrities. Only 50 players, and first place is a $100,000 home electronics makeover from LG. Even a fish like you could win this one. Wanna go?”
I accepted the offer as quickly as I started measuring the wall for the new 100-inch plasma, all the while visions of a lovely 42-incher on the wall in my bathroom swirled through my head….
“Now, you’re sure no pros are playing?” I ask hopefully.
“Just Moneymaker and Chan. Don’t worry.”
The Palms is one of those hotels that are designed as a haven for the hip 20-to-30-something crowd and a wake-up call for the rest of us. From the décor and trendy music throughout the hotel, to the bevy of beauties and their fashionable escorts, this is just about as far away from the atmosphere of the Bellagio or Wynn as one could get.
I get my room key with 30 minutes to go, only to be told that I’ve been upgraded to the “Party Suite,” or something like that. OK with me – as long as I don’t have to pay for it! The door opened to a suite that was about as large as a cruise ship, with phat leather couches, a 50-inch plasma TV, surround sound system, and an enormous king-size bed underneath a mirror ball, with decorated glass ceilings and mirrored walls. The whole thing was accented by strobe lights, lasers, and a multitude of shape and color shifting lamps strewn around the room. At the center of the room, directly at the foot of the bed and surrounded by a half circle of basketball court-style hardwood, was a bronze floor-to ceiling pole. It was probably from the-ancient-art-of-Baroque-dancing.com store. You know Baroque dancing: she dances and you’re… baroque! Anyway, the room was the epitome of modern bordello chic.
Unfortunately, there was no time to arrange a pole party, as I had only a few minutes to don the contacts, sunglasses, and hat, and get upstairs to the Hardcourt Suite in time for the tournament. As if my suite weren’t impressive enough, walking into the Hardcourt Suite was like walking into an episode of Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. Its name comes from the fact that this two-story suite has its own basketball court, which had been converted into a poker room for this occasion. Right by the entrance to the suite was a huge hot tub, overflowing with bubbles and populated by two bikini-clad models soaping themselves up and gyrating to the music. I expected Robin Leach to pop up at any moment from beneath the soapy waves - two glasses of Dom in hand and wishing guests “Champagne wishes and caviar dreams…”
After taking in the scenery, I was given my seat assignment – table 5. On the way over I could see that the Hollywood A-list was out in force
for this one. Paris Hilton (or was that Nicky? I can’t tell!), Jenny McCarthy, Laura Prepon, Coolio (great bling), Shannon Elizabeth, and Cheryl Hines from Curb Your Enthusiasm. The party was in full force, and as I took my seat I realized that I liked my chances with all this easy Hollywood money floating around.
No sooner had I taken seat 3, than my table started filling up. Seat 4 was Nicholas Gonzalez, a very friendly actor from some show I don’t watch (how embarrassing… “What do you do?” I ask.) Seat 5 was occupied by a rather poorly dressed somebody who I later found out was a DJ from KROQ in Los Angeles. And then there was seat 8: The Neck. Plopping himself down confidently was a man with the largest neck I’ve ever seen. It was an angry neck as well, with veins popping out. It seemed to say, “Go ahead, TRY and bluff me!” Sitting on top of the Neck was a rather smallish head topped off with one of those trendy beanie hats. Propping up the Neck was an enormous set of muscular arms – you know, from the Arm and Hammer baking soda boxes. Not really knowing who this person was, I introduced myself and asked the Neck if he had a name. Seemingly shocked at my stupidity, Neck responded with one word: Jose. Nick Gonzalez leaned over and gave me the other: Canseco. No wonder. So now things are looking up. An actor, a DJ, and the author of Juiced – hardly a terrifying field in the world of poker. Eddy was right; it was all Hollywood fish and I COULD win! But then things started to go wrong. Seat 5 soon contained a very friendly and chatty Johnny Chan, seat 6 the diminutive yet deadly Jennifer Harman, seat 1 was occupied by 2005 WSOP 6th place finisher Scott Lazar, and directly to my left was the reigning World Champ, Joe Hachem. Excuse me if I don’t yell “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie,” but my evening suddenly looked like it would be a short one.
And it didn’t start well. After mucking away the first few rounds, and with a blind structure escalating every nine minutes, I found myself in the big blind with 9. 10., 3 callers, and a flop that provided me with an openended straight draw and a flush draw – 15 outs, about 60% to make the nuts. I bet out nicely. hoping to thin the field a little. DJ folds, Johnny Chan folds and then the action is on the Neck. The veins popped. His little mouth gave a sneer. “Reraise,” said the Neck.
Hmmm…. What could he have? I didn’t put him on a pocket pair, as the Neck liked to raise those sorts of hands pre-flop. No A-K or A-Q either. It had to be K-Q, KJ… something like that. Even with the board showing K.7.8., I would still be a 53/47 favorite. OK. Call. Turn comes A.. I bet again and this time Neck calls. And then disaster. The river brings the king of spades. Not only did I miss completely, but I could also tell from his smug grin, tensed biceps, and some new veins, that Neck just made a hand. . . a big one. Not wanting to be totally emasculated, I bet out about half my remaining chip stack, only to have Neck slide all his chips into the middle and announce “All-in.” I mumbled something about malaria having affected my judgment and mucked my hand,leaving myself with only 300 in chips.
A couple of hands later, I’m on the button with the blinds at 75/150. I look down to see A-Q suited. Only Johnny Chan in the big blind and Jen Harman are in the pot, so I push all in. Both call. No one turns over as Johnny and Jennifer check down to the river; the flop had paired my ace. and I clawed back some of my chips. Two hands later I get A-Q suited again. and rerun my all-in play, only to be called by Jennifer Harman with pocket sevens. After a seven on the flop and no help on the turn or river, I get up and join the party, with my plasma dreams shattered by the pros that weren’t supposed to be there.
And what of my nemesis, The Neck? He made it to the final three, but was knocked out by Jenny McCarthy. That must have hurt his pride! So it was a Christmas season with no new plasmas, but the party was great and, with any luck, I’ll be back again next year!
JOHN PHAM
Bluff: Were you distracted by how hot Jenny McCarthy was?
John: No, I don’t let those things affect me at the table.
Bluff: How did you get knocked out?
John: Well, first off, the blind structure wasn’t great. Jose raised, and I thought he was putting a move on me. I pushed with A-8, and ran into Q-Q. Just bad timing.
Bluff: Who would you not want to run into at the poker table again?
John: Definitely Jose. He was very aggressive and he seemed like he knew what he was doing.
JOSE CANSECO
Bluff: How long have you been playing poker. Did you play in the clubhouse?
Jose: I’ve been an athlete for a long time, so I’ve played a lot of cards on the plane and in the clubhouse. We play every game possible – spades, poker, blackjack. No one at the LG tournament knew I had any experience playing poker, which may have worked to my advantage.
Bluff: Have you played casino poker before, or is playing outside of the clubhouse new to you?
Jose: I’ve never played poker in casinos. I’ve played blackjack, roulette, and craps. But never poker.
Bluff: You came in second in the LG tournament. How do you think you played?
Jose: I thought I played pretty decent. I got some good cards, and got lucky a couple of times. I think you have to have a combination of skill and luck. Sometimes it can come down to the last two cards. I got lucky a few times, hitting a straight or a flush to keep me in the tournament.
Bluff: You went heads up with Danny Masterson. Did you feel like you should have taken it down and won?
Jose: I thought I had a chance. I was the chip leader at the time… but I got no cards when we got heads up. I had a span of eight hands where all I seemed to get was 7-2 off, and 8-3 off. It was amazing. Danny kept going all-in without even looking at his cards, and I couldn’t call or bluff. It was very frustrating. I finally got A-10 of diamonds and went all in, because the blinds were starting to drain me. I hit a pair of aces on the flop but, unfortunately, Danny hit a second pair on the river.
Bluff: Do you plan on playing any more of these events?
Jose: I enjoy playing a lot, and many of the tournaments are for great causes. You also meet a lot of great people. So I definitely plan on playing again in the future.
Bluff: What about some of the major poker events? Do you plan on playing in any of those?
Jose: Definitely, I’m going to look into that. I enjoy it. As long as time allows it, I plan on getting more involved in some of the bigger tournaments.
NATHAN MORRIS FROM BOYZ II MEN
Bluff: How did you get involved with the LG Tournament?
Nathan: My publicist works for LG, and we actually had an event in Vegas at the same time. She mentioned there was a poker tournament, and we told her we HAD to be in.
Bluff: How do you feel you played?
Nathan: Actually, I did better than I expected. I was the last player out before the final table. I knocked out Johnny Chan and Antonio Esfandiari before I was taken out. It was great. Antonio was very hard to play against. He was tough to read. Johnny was just very aggressive; I think he figured we were all amateurs, so everyone was intimidated by him. Antonio mixed it up a lot, and I just called him when I thought I should.
Bluff: OK, so how about bluffing? Did you pull off any great bluffs?
Nathan: (Laughs) One hand I had 7-2, against Antonio. I raised from the button. The flop came A-K-A. He checked, and I went all in. He got out of the way…
Bluff: Who was the biggest fish? Didn’t anyone stand out as being really bad?
Nathan: (Laughs) There actually were a lot of good players. No one stuck out as being very bad. Coolio played really well… I tell you what, Paris Hilton played very well, too. She bluffed like she didn’t know what she was doing, but she actually knows how to play. She went all-in one hand and took down a pretty big pot.
Bluff: How did you get involved with playing poker?
Nathan: I used to play 5-card draw when I was like 15 years old. I haven’t really played since then. Since it’s become so popular, I had to learn Texas Hold’em. So I really have only just started playing.
Bluff: Do you and the group ever play poker while you are on the road?
Nathan:We take our poker sets with us everywhere. We find an extra room or a hallway, and we set up a game after concerts.
Bluff: Who would you say is the best poker player in the group?
Nathan: Right now, it’s probably me. I play more frequently than everyone else. Shawn is a close second, though. Wayne just started and is on a huge beginner’s luck roll.
Bluff: Do you plan on playing in any other celebrity events in the future?
Nathan: Anything that I have time for. Poker is a nice little getaway for me.
Bluff: How about some big events, maybe the WPT or WSOP in the future?
Nathan: Shawn and I talked about this. I have to learn patience. I get bored too quickly. You have to maintain a certain temperament to play that long. You have to grind it out. I applaud those guys who can go out there for a whole week. You can lose your train of thought so easily. It’s an incredible feat to win one of these tournaments that lasts a week.
