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Vegas, the stuff dreams are made of. Most people that
haven't been there before assume that they'll hate it.
People that are there for their first three dayes think
it's heaven on earth, and anyone that stays in Las Vegas
for more than a month feels like a patient in an open-door
insane asyslum; wanting to get back to reality, but
afraid to leave for fear of missing their medication.
If you don't believe me, ask your taxi driver how he
came to live in Las Vegas. He'll call it Carke County,
but his story will explain it all. "I got here
a few years ago, met a girl, she left me, and I guess
I never left." No joke, too much Vegas can f*ck
you up, so Bluff has tapped into some well-connected
Las Vegans who will help you survive the moments away
from the tables during the WSOP.
Dining
The Nuts – Le Cirque (Bellagio)
You have probably heard that Le Cirque is the best restaurant
in New York… it probably is. In Las Vegas, Le
Cirque is where I would take all my dates if I were
dating the Queen of England, a bunch of Playboy models,
Paris Hilton and her sister (what’s her name?),
my best friend’s aunt and any former Miss America.
The point is the food at Le Cirque, on the lake of the
Bellagio, is so good it will impress anyone you could
imagine kissing goodnight.
The buy in at Le Cirque is about $95 per head for a
fixed price menu including appetiser, entrée
and dessert, and the rebuys for wine and extras could
put you back the same again.
You can expect a menu loaded with truffles, Foie Gras
and every other hoity-toity scrumptiousness. But no
high-priced rip offs are on this menu. At Le Cirque
you get your money’s worth with each bite. If
you never knew why duck liver costs more on a plate
than your own liver costs on the New Orleans surgical
black market, then their Foie Gras de Canard Poëlé,
Polenta Croquante, Emultion de Verjus (translated into
Sautéed Duck Foie Gras with White Polenta and
Verjus Emulsion) will set you straight.
In all seriousness, Le Cirque is amazing, and I hope
if I bring them this article they will let me eat there
free, because it is the best game in town.
Price: Five times the big blind
Food: French, but don’t hold that against ‘em.
It’s so good you’ll be glad you spent the
cash here and not on an A-7os semi-bluff
What to Eat: A la Carte baby – just go all in
Special Note: Bring a loved one or someone you just
met – if you aren’t too stuffed when you
leave, you will definitely be getting some later
If You’re Nuts - Fat Burger (The Strip)
If you eat at Fat Burger once during the WSOP, you will
be the skinniest guy there. If you eat there every day
of the WSOP, you will be FAT.
Fat Burger isn’t one of those ironic names,
like calling a fat guy Slim or a tall man Tiny. It really
is a place where the burgers can get you fat. Here you’ll
find the greasy patties you wish they served in McDonalds,
that remind you of the local burger joint your mom took
you to as a kid. Something about this place reminds
me of the smell in my Mom’s 1979 Buick after getting
the to-go bag at the local drive-in. This is the real
deal; they may cook these things in lard for all I know,
but I can tell you, if you want to look thin, go there
– everyone will outweigh you by at least 200 lbs.
Price: Slot Money
Food: Most Famous Burger Joint in the West
What to Eat: The whole hog: burgers, fries
and a Coke!
They Must be Nuts – Rosewood Grille &
Lobster House (3763 Las Vegas Blvd. S)
Steak is something you can get in abundance in this
town and, if you are playing in the Series, you will
need the red meat to give you the aggression it gave
our hairy Neanderthal ancestors before they felted the
sabre-toothed tiger into extinction. But don’t
forget to get some lobster with that steak. If you are
going to take home a bracelet, you must think like a
winner, and sometimes it takes a 9,000 lb lobster to
make you feel like the boss. For a bracelet winner,
half a cow on a plate is only a side dish; you need
to be able to crack the back of a Rodan-sized shellfish
at the same time.
Why do we think they must be nuts? You can get lobsters
there that weigh more than 10 lbs any day of the week.
These poor pinchy guys are 60 years old before they
hit the hot water, and that gives the eater a tremendous
sense of power. It’s akin to flipping the switch
on a Texas criminal, but much tastier.
Price: Like you’re playing blackjack to get
your room comped
Food: It looks like the food the T-Rex ate in Jurassic
Park
What to Eat: Only half of anything you get or you might
explode
Simply because Italians are Better Lovers –
Ferrarro’s
(about one mile off the strip, down Flamingo)
You will need to get away from the strip if you don’t
want to lose your mind this WSOP, and
Ferrarro’s is the place to go. It’s an old-school
Italian with a New York feel, plenty of gangsters and
a great piano player. Like any good Italian restaurant,
it’s famous for its Ossa Buca. I know this non-Italian
from Ohio who used to live in Vegas and he went there
all the time. Oh, how they all try to be Italian!
But to clear your head after an afternoon on tilt,
there is nothing like a proper Italian restaurant full
of east-coast gumbas. Everything happens at its own
pace, you instantly become family and you’re guaranteed
to be half in the bag by the time you leave. Speaking
of which, the food is not the light and airy Japanese
your doctor wants you to eat, so don’t plan a
night out dancing after you eat here.
Besides the Ossa Buca, everything is good. If you
want to look like a proper Italian, ask for Pasta Fagioli,
but pronounce it the east coast incorrect way pasta
va-zool. The waiter won't know what you're saying, but
you'll earn points for being third generation Italian
immigrant. Oh, and order the Chianti rather than the
Chardonnay to complete the ruse.
By the end of the night, if the waiter isn’t
shaking your hand and telling you to come back soon,
you are probably too boring to keep yourself company.
Remember, you’re family now, so pay your respects.
Price: Less than one of those girls on the cards you
get on the strip
Food: Forgeddaboudit!
What to Eat: As much garlic as possible to put your
opponents on tilt the following day
Night Life
Royal Flush: Ghost (Palms) A MEN’S GUIDE
This is the coolest place on earth. When God goes to
Vegas he probably hangs out here. I repeat: this is
the coolest place on earth. It’s so cool, instead
of offering a review, we are offering a ‘How to
Act Cool Guide’ in its place. YOU MUST VISIT THIS
BAR ONCE BEFORE YOU DIE IN CASE YOU GO TO HELL FOR BEING
A POKER DEGENERATE - THEN AT LEAST YOU WILL HAVE KNOWN
A SMALL SLICE OF HEAVEN.
Okay, let’s take it from the top. Put $100 in
your back left pocket, two $20s in your back right.
$300 and a credit card in your front right and a $100
kicker in your front left pocket. Remember to load $100
bills in all but the front left pocket (which should
contain $5s for the bathroom attendant and $20s for
miscellaneous) – don’t try to use two $50s
and don’t even consider four $20s in place of
the Benjamins.
When you get outside Ghost, give the first man you
see that looks like an official one of the $20s in your
back right pocket. Use the ‘handshake’ method
to be discreet and make him believe that you do this
a lot. You should practice the handshake with a friend
in your room before trying it at the club. After introducing
yourself, tell him that you want to see the man in charge.
When he goes to get him, load your ‘handshake’
with the $100 bill in your back left pocket. As soon
as you see ‘the man in charge’ give him
the special ‘handshake’ and tell him your
name and that you will be in town for a few weeks. You
don’t need to mention the WSOP; he’ll ask
you about that anyway. Get his name and memorize it.
It will save you $70 the next time you come to the club.
Now you’re in. Do not let your mouth hit the
floor and do not let the hyperactive buddies you came
with blow your cool with college-boy-dog-in-heat antics,
jumping up and down squealing, “Oh my God, look
at that chick!” every two seconds – it’s
a definite faux pas. Just make your way to bar and order
a spirit drink. Jack Daniels is preferable. If you know
some expensive vodka names, you can drop them at this
point. Get your drink and introduce yourself to the
bartender asking him to ‘set up a tab’;
no need to load the handshake for this one. When your
tab comes, simply reach into your front right pocket
and pull out a credit card and a $100 bill. The next
move is trickier than the special handshake. You want
to fold the $100 bill twice, making it a quarter of
its original length, and place it under the upwardly
facing credit card. Let the bartender see this, but
don’t make it a big production. The $100 will
make sure that your drinks come cool and quick.
Now that you are ‘set up’, IT’S
TIME TO HAVE SOME FUN. The best women are inside on
the couches. Unless you are sure you are very cool,
have dated a titleholder and many models (famous ones),
leave these women to the pros. They are, unfortunately,
too good for you (If you feel confident enough that
you can score one of these women, then skip to the last
paragraph). But Average Guy, don’t fret; you are
still going to score a really hot babe. Make your way
to the outside patio and grab a spot on the rail furthest
from the patio entrance. Stand near the glass floor
but not on it. The glass floor is a type of babe-lure
that was especially designed for Ghost. Girl after girl
will come and stand on it, and you can use the same
pick-up line on each one, because the thrill of the
floor wears off fast and the girls (if you don’t
pull them) will disappear inside.
You are allowed to have fun, but only if you can look
cool doing it. No frat-party games or drinking songs
– EVER. Hopefully, you will score within a few
hours and you will be on your way back down the tower.
The exit is your final hurdle. Give ‘the man in
charge’ the other $20 from your back right pocket
on the way out. This is a small insurance policy to
make sure that he remembers you. You’ll look cooler
if you have scored a girl from the bar, and if she is
cute, he’ll offer you his card. Take it, but thank
him only once and remember to say his name when you
do. Now head for the door with your girl.
A Ladies Guide to GHOST
Dress hot, act like you’re not interested and
say ‘Champagne’ every time someone offers
you a drink. Unless you are absolutely sure you’re
super-hot, hang out in the patio – go by the glass
floor at least once – don’t stand there
for too long and ask the guy that approaches you if
he reads Bluff. If he does, remind him to tip ‘the
man in charge’ $20 on the way out.
King-Queen Suited – Light
Light is a favourite of our idol - Antonio Esfandiari.
Rumor has it that Antonio alone can keep that place
in business, and if you ever have the opportunity to
go there with him, remember to wipe your shoes before
you step on the red carpet. This place is so exclusive
it famously turned away Shaqille O’Neil for turning
up in high tops.
Light is at Bellagio, so be prepared to go All In if
you want a night out there. The women are stacked and
their competition comes from the bartendresses rather
than the tourists. I can’t be sure, but I think
that I saw one of Light’s bartendresses in an
issue of Playboy that photographed America’s hottest
bartenderesses.
If you go to Light, getting a bottle and a table is
the only way forward – I was once told that there
is a long way between first-class and half-ass, and
this is the place that epitomises that sentiment. VIPs
(i.e. those that splash close to a grand for a table
and some vodka) get whatever they want. Someone standing
too close to you, no problem- security will show him
out; you see a girl you like in the “no-frills”
section and want her next to you – no problem,
security will show her in.
Slow Play: Voodoo Lounge (Rio)
Long days at the tables are remedied by simply going
upstairs. That’s right- the Rio’s Voodoo
Lounge is chill, hot, cool, and smoking all at once.
The patio has the best view of the strip and the bar
inside has a view of a mishmash of clientele, some pretty,
some gorgeous and all there to have a good time without
having to make an effort.
I would imagine that this bar is going to be jamming
during the WSOP, so anyone not on the VIP list or staying
at the hotel is going to find it tough going to get
a peek. But if you are fortunate enough to get in, grab
a table (they are free) and strap yourself in for the
night. There are live cabaret-style entertainers throughout
the night, and other tables will probably join you for
a chat. Friendly it is, pretentious it’s not.
Full House: Rum Jungle (Mandalay Bay)
Rum Jungle is probably the craziest ride you can take
in Vegas. Something about it makes you drink ridiculous
amounts of alcohol, and everyone is there to have a
good time. This place is frat party - but three years
on. I usually opt to buy a bottle of something unusual,
Jagermiester generally does the trick. It’s not
expensive by Vegas standards, but it costs about the
same amount as a house anywhere else.
Having your own bottle lets you meander around the
cavernous club without having to worry about the lines
at the bar – and there are always lines at the
bar. It also allows you to give shots to the gaggles
of ladies that you will run into on your travels. I
usually picture myself as Odysseus on the way home from
Troy while doing a lap around massive center bar. The
journey seems to take forever, you meet sirens, giants
and everything in between, and they all bring you into
their little island for an adventure that you’ll
not soon forget.
I think the bar is open to forever-o’clock, but
I’m not sure because it’s usually a first
or second stop for a night on the town.
Queens Full House The River: Drais (Barbary Coast)
No one can explain why, but this club in the basement
of the Barbary Coast Casino is the place to be, come
5:30 am. If you are reading this guide from your couch
in Kansas allow me to confirm 1) Yes I did mean 5:30
in the morning 2) no that is not late for Las Vegas
3) I don’t know the scientific explanation, but
for some reason you a) will not be tired at 5:30 am
b) will want to go to Drais and c) will not be able
to sleep when you get home.
They say that Drais is a restaurant by day, but I wouldn’t
know. I have only been there in the wee hours of the
night and in the long hours of the morning. Since you
will definitely wind up at Drais at least once during
the WSOP, you will want to make sure to carry cheap
sunglasses with you every time you go out in Las Vegas,
because you never know when you will end up there.
The worst thing that can happen at Drais is leaving
at 9am without sunglasses. You will wish you simply
could turn to dust like a vampire in a movie, but instead
you will wind up staggering down the strip on the wrong
side of the pedestrian barriers, unable to get to the
right side, looking for a cab and will have to walk
all the way back to your hotel…so don’t
forget your sunglasses!
The best thing that could happen to you is getting
invited to join Puff Daddy, P-Diddy or whatever his
name is, at his table at Drais. Like all celebrities
that frequent Drais (and they all do), he will undoubtedly
be there with a dozen beautiful women, drinking champagne
so expensive that it couldn’t possibly cause a
hangover.
The worst thing that can happen to you at Drais is
not taking home a girl (substitute boy if you are a
woman). Even though I hardly ever take home a girl from
Drais, it has the appearance of being the easiest pickup
joint in Vegas. Try not to feel bad if you go home alone…but
I guarantee that you will feel bad. you will feel bad
- especially if you forget your sunglasses.
Where the Pros Go
Phil Laak
Phil can often be found whiling away the hours down
at the Flyaway Indoor Skydiving Center. Rather than
going through the trauma of jumping out of an airplane,
which is frankly quite dangerous, why not simply skydive
indoors? It seems the Unabomber is never happier than
when he’s being held in mid-air by huge gusts
of wind.
This is crazy fun,” Phil assures us. “They
put you in a jump suit and, 30 minutes later, you are
floating on a stream of 130 mph air, being thrust up
at you in a cylindrical cushioned room.”
“It is like an interactive amusement park ride,”
adds the gravity-defying poker hotshot, “Your
ride is that much better the more you can handle the
balancing/ floating combination thing. It’s a
rush being like the ping-pong ball in the kid’s
toy where you blow on the pipe to keep the ball afloat.”
Sounds like a blast! Flyaway is located at 200 Convention
Center Drive.
Antonio Esfandiari
Antonio has been kind enough to offer us a rundown of
his week. Not much time for poker then, Kid44?
Monday Night: Foundation Room at the Mandalay Bay
Tuesday Night: Prey at Caesars Palace
Wednesday Night: Wednesday nights suck in Vegas
Thursday Night: Taboo at the MGM
Friday Night: Body English at the Hard Rock
Saturday Night: La Bête at the Wynn
Sunday Night: (My favorite) Light at the Bellagio
Daniel Negreanu
Daniel’s recent acceptance of the position of
Poker Room Ambassador at the new Wynn Casino was sealed
for good when he tasted the food. The Wing Lei restaurant,
he tells us, is the best in town. And importantly for
Daniel, it serves an excellent variety of vegetarian
dishes in a town traditionally known for serving up
herds of cattle. The seafood, he adds, is out of this
world.
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