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The Bluff staff tilts easily. That’s not to say we blast off our chips after a beat. It’s just that so many players do things that piss us off. Around the office, we hear so much griping about the crap that can happen at a table that we thought it would be cathartic to print some of the stuff that really gets under our skin. So if you’re doing any of the things mentioned in this article, kindly stop it. OK? You’re making our work environment very unpleasant.
PEEVE #1
You’ve been raising my blind mercilessly from the button. I finally pick up pocket kings, and that’s the hand you decide to fold. Have a little decency and let me come over the top, you jerk.
PEEVE #2
The average stack at the table is $914,000. You have $25. In the chat window, you criticize everyone else’s play.
PEEVE #3
There is $9,714,226 in the pot. You bet $4.
PEEVE #4
You start telling a story that begins, “I had pocket aces.” I listen, knowing the outcome: a bad beat. You know I know the outcome and I that really don’t give a damn; that I don’t want to hear yet another bad beat story. Yet you continue. By the time you’re done, I’m standing there, trying to be polite and repressing the urge to say, “Please shut the fuck up.”
PEEVE #5
You scream, “Yeah! Yes! Yes!” and pump your fist in triumph. All this after stealing the blinds.
PEEVE #6
You semi-bluff on a draw. I read it perfectly and make a great call. You hit your flush. If I’m going to go to the trouble of making a great play, at least have the courtesy to lose.
PEEVE #7
You bluff. I call. You say, “God, that was a terrible call.”
Wrong, bitch.
PEEVE #8
You don’t shower before coming to play? We’re not in France, you know. And if we happen to be in France – you still stink.
PEEVE #9
A fish at the table has been losing. Some guy mocks him, telling him how poorly he plays. He leaves. Thanks, smart guy. Thanks very much.
PEEVE #10
You bet $25. I call with a gutshot. I hit and take you for $3,000. For the next 20 minutes you tell anyone who will listen how bad I played the hand. Once again…Wrong, dickhead.
PEEVE #11
You say, “I knew it!” No, you didn’t. If you did, you would have played it better.
PEEVE #12
You slyly say, “I’m more a semi-pro than a full-time pro.” OK, tough guy. Then maybe you want to buy in for the full $25.
PEEVE #13
You’re drunk and belligerent and playing great poker. That’s not right. When acting like an idiot, please play like one.
PEEVE #14
You say, “I never win a race.” Yes, you do. You win roughly half the time, just like everyone else.
PEEVE #15
After you bluff me off a series of hands, you flop the nut straight to my two-pair. That’s not right. How am I not going to go broke here?
PEEVE #16
After outplaying me, you appear to be having a good time and joke with others at the table. Well, screw you, Mr. Winning Poker Player. I’m not having fun. I’m stuck.
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