Poker Magazine

On the Road: Australia, Part I

I ran into Posh Spice. I spent my last few hours in LA at the Century City Mall before I went to the airport and, as I rounded a corner near the J. Crew store, I bumped into an emaciated woman pushing a stroller. It was posh spice with a bulky bodyguard at her side; but her husband, David Beckham, was nowhere to be found. I took our encounter as a positive omen for my trip to Australia. Any time you crash into a Spice Girl, good things are bound to happen.

I spent the fifteen-hour flight from LAX to Melbourne in a Xanax-induced haze and watched four very bad flicks before I passed out in the middle of The Simpsons Movie.

The flight arrived ten minutes early and immigration was a breeze, but my girlfriend and I were flagged at Customs and sent to a special line. A very serious Customs agent in a pristine uniform inspected my bags. I assumed he swabbed my luggage for explosives, which happened the last time I was in Australia. It frequently occurred during random searches at different airports all around the world. The Customs agent told me that he was specifically looking for drugs and asked if I had been in contact with drugs. I said no. Then, he asked me if I had more than $10,000 in cash on me. I pulled out my wad and asked him if he wanted to count it. He shook his head and let us go.

Nicky and I were both hired to cover the PokerNews Cup, a series of tournaments held at the Crown Casino in Melbourne. On our first night in town, we met up with John “Schecky” Caldwell, the editor of Poker News, along with two co-workers, Gaz and Cory-Ann, who are both Aussies. Gaz is a big swinger in Australia and he got us a table at Nobu, which is booked for months in advance. I had only been to Nobu once in my life (in NYC many moons ago). I knew that there were two types of people in the world: those who ate at Nobu and those who didn’t. I was one of those who didn’t. But I couldn’t pass up a free meal.

We ate Nobu’s signature yellowtail carpaccio with ponzu and jalapeno slices, in addition to crispy rock shrimp and black miso-glazed cod. The main course was a trio of Kobe beef. The chef was good friends with Gaz, so he prepared us a Waygu steak topped with onions and shiitakes.

“Waygu is the absolute pinnacle of quality,” as our server explained.

Waygu is top-of-line Kobe beef and that plate alone costs over $400. I savored every bite and could not thank Gaz enough for one of the best meals of my life. Just before dessert, Caldwell and I decided to flip a coin for $1,500. The $1 Australian coin had a kangaroo on one side and the head of some famous dead guy on the other. The kangaroo side is tails. Since we were Down Under, I picked kangaroos because of the homefield advantage. And kangaroos won. Gaz’s jaw dropped. He wanted in on the action, but Caldwell declined, saying that he only flipped coins for high stakes once a day.

Due to the time differential, I woke up super early on my first Monday morning in Melbourne to catch the Sunday afternoon NFL games. My sleeping patterns were completely out of whack because I would be awake at odd times sweating my NFL bets. I took a big hit that weekend, which was made worse by the Cleveland Indians’ collapse in the ALCS. The sportsbook (and local TV) both aired the MLB playoffs. I bet a dime on the money line and took the Indians +160 against the Red Sox. They were up 3-1 in the series, but the Red Sox made a remarkable comeback. I stood in the sportsbook and watched in utter shock and disappointment as the Indians choked. They lost four straight and I flushed that ugly bitch of a bet down the toilet. And no, toilets in Australia don’t really flush counter-clockwise.

I managed to get some cash back when I took a piece of Gaz in a $1,000 sit-n-go against a couple of Aussie high rollers, such as Sam Khouiss and Jim Sachinidis (who bubbled at the WPT L.A. Poker Classic in February). Shane Warne was also at his table. “Warney,” as he’s known in some circles, is the “Mickey Mantle meets Michael Jordan” of the cricket world. Warney was in town to appear at the opening of a brand new Krispy Kreme store at the Crown Casino. He had just busted out of a SNG with Joe Hachem, so he joined Gaz’s table.

Gaz won a big hand early on which pushed him into the chip lead. Jim Sachinidis opened with a raise, another player reraised, and Gaz moved all in. Sachinidis went into the tank and agonized over the call. He eventually folded Q-Q face up. Gaz tabled J-J and his opponent flipped over A-K. Gaz’s Jacks held up, which tilted Sachinidis for the remainder of the SNG. Gaz went on to win the SNG, but he blew most of his winnings at the bar.

The casino’s sportsbook charged 20% juice on bets. I was told to use one of the local bookies instead, a guy named Billy the Croc (I swear I’m not making that up), to get in on the action. Aussies love sports. They also love to gamble and have a keen interest in American sports, which meant there was plenty of action on NFL games. In my hotel room, I had access to three FOX Sports stations and one ESPN channel, so I didn’t miss out on any of the games.

I didn’t have much time to play cards due to work obligations, so I placed bets on the NBL (Australian hoops league) and on various cricket matches to get my gambling fix. I knew nothing about both sports, but I craved the action. At one point, I was betting on greyhound racing that was simulcast from South Africa. Or maybe it was from New Zealand? I didn’t care. Action is action. I lost, of course. My dogs finished in second and third. Both of them were leading their respective races until... ah, I’ll spare you the bad beat stories. Greyhound racing is so f**kin’ rigged.

One night, I had trouble sleeping and took an Ambien. Several hours later, I woke up super groggy and staggered into the bathroom: I missed the toilet completely. I went back to sleep and a couple of hours later, Nicky woke up to use the bathroom. She screamed in horror as she accidentally stepped into a cold puddle of my urine on the marble tile floor. She was so infuriated that she wrote about the incident on her blog. Everyone must have read about it, because for the remainder of the trip, I got razzed non-stop by my co-workers and random pros.

“Let me know if you need help going to the toilet,” joked Jonny Vincent, a young pro from Brisbane. “But please mate, don’t go on my shoes.”

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The Poker News Cup included a special invitational event called the Australian Bad Boys of Poker. It was a televised $10k buyin sit-n-go featuring Tony G, Jeff Lisandro, Mark Vos, David Saab, Gary Benson, Arul Thillai, Emad Tahtouh, Billy “the Croc” Argyros, and Sam Khouiss. Joe Hachem was originally supposed to play but backed out at the last minute. Lee “Final Table” Nelson was his replacement.

There was plenty of side betting on the Bad Boys. Sam Khouiss and Emad Tahtouh had a $5k last-longer. There were other big bets among the players on whether one of the young guns would win or if one of the veterans would take it down. Tony G had been on a rush and was the favorite to win. Earlier that week, he was up $6 million playing cash games in Russia, and won one PLO pot worth over $3.5 million. However, an extremely tired Tony G showed up in Melbourne. The marathon session in Russia zapped him, along with the jetlag from his arduous journey from Moscow to Melbourne via Dubai. Tony G busted out early as Gary Benson beat Emad Tahtouh heads up to win.

John Caldwell made the final table of one of the preliminary events. Although I was covering a different tournament at the time, I spent more time on the rail sweating his final table action. I stopped covering the other event entirely once Caldwell got heads up against a Dutch kid whose girlfriend was on the rail crying her eyes out because he had never done that well in a tournament before. All those long hours that Caldwell put in at the Bike in LA had finally paid off. He took down the Dutch kid to win the event along with $43,000 AUD. We celebrated his victory at the “Las Vegas” bar inside the poker room. Since he was rolling in cash, we wagered $2,000 on another coin flip. I picked kangaroos again and won. Caldwell went on major kangaroo tilt.

With the completion of the final table of the Poker News Cup, I was finally done covering tournaments for the year. After an extremely long, grueling, and amazing ten months on the road, I finally had two months off. I didn’t have to cover another tournament until the Aussie Millions in January of 2008, and felt like a little kid who just finished the last day of school before summer vacation.