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Poker…Arghghghg
They say poker is a game about not making mistakes…so true…so true…
This week I played in the Bellagio 15k tourney they have every year in December. It had over 640 entrants and first place (will be) 2.4 million. Sick. So sick. How did poker get so big? Anyway I swished and swooshed my way to 120K before I busted out. Semi-donk style, of course. To have a shot to win one of these sick tourneys you need a few things... some of which are to 1) play well; 2) get some good hand over hand spots; and 3) not make mistakes along the way.
In this tourney I mostly got part one right... part two didn’t really go my way… and part three… well… that was within my control and I sort of blundered a few spots. (Kind of hard to say I played well since I blundered here and there, but I think you know what I am trying to say.)
This article is about me being a donk; and if you don’t believe me, I have taken the time to spell it out for you.
Donk move one: I am sitting in seat one. Bleck. The worst seat for sure. Anyway…
I raise 2,400 (3x the BB) with Q♣T♣ in mid position, when the dealer tells me that I have to put in 12,000 more or fold. The guy in seat nine had just gone all in for 14,400 and I never noticed. Donk me. So I lose the 2,300 and that is that. (Since it takes $15,000 to enter the tourney and you get 30,000 in chips, I consider this 1,150 dollars in real money that I have just burned.)
Donk move two: Things are going nicely. I have about 33% more than average stack when I raise with A♦3♦. Internet genius (Jordan) calls. Flop is A♥7♣5♦. He bets. I raise. He calls. I am done with the hand… Unless a 3 hits of course. The three hits. He checks. I bet. He tanks. Very quickly I realize he is in there with a pair of aces and some random kicker like a jack or maybe a ten. He is struggling. He thinks I am going for a steal. Once I see that I want the call, I now make my second donk move. I start talking to him. Normally this is ok for me… but I was not in the zone and was not going to be able to Jedi-mind-wrap him into a call. He figures it out and folds.
What this cost me is much bigger than my first donk move. The bets that I may have collected on the turn and the river would have been HUGE at that point, from a stack percentage increase perspective. Also I would have crippled a genius at the table who of course went on to develop a huge stack and whom I had to be very cautious of later. Arghghghg.
Donk move three: On the button I raise with 8♥9♥. (Not the donk part). The BB calls, and checks in the dark. We both have about two times the average stack. Flop is 3♣4♣4♥. I bet 2/3 of the pot. (Also fine). He calls and checks before either of us sees the turn card, which ends up being the two of spades.
At this point good poker dictates checking the turn and the river - giving up (maybe a value call on the river if a non-club 8 or 9 peels). Essentially it is time to give up and preserve the stack and have the fellow pay me off later when I actually have a hand.
But this is where I start building a stupid hole. I bet about 2/3 of the pot again. He calls. That was donk, but it gets even donkier. He checks in the dark as the 4♦ peels. I know he is calling… I can feel it is about 70%. But I bet anyway. Luckily for me I measured my bets so that the river bet would be for the pot. This bet put him in an awkward spot. If he folds, he would have gone from a two times average stack back to slightly below average stack. If he calls and is wrong, he has about seven times the BB. (Obviously if he calls, he vaults to having a sick fat stack and I am crippled.)
He anguishes for about seven hours and folds… Holy cow! That was close. I got saved
by Lady Luck on that one and promise no more building stupid holes. Even though I win the pot, I still consider what I did an error. From a pure EV point of view, I downticked statistically from my turn bet forward.
So now I have chips and start playing well… ‘til my final donk move. (I know, sort of an oxymoron, but cut me some slack.) First in the pot and I limped. So pathetic. I can’t believe I ever win at this game. What was I thinking?
Chris Ferguson wrote a great article a few years back. It explained why you should never limp if you are the first one in the pot. It is a long story and I don’t want to get into it… but I think it is trivial, obvious, and great advice for a poker player. It is one of those golden rules that has about a million things going for it, and whenever I limp first to act a little part of me dies.
Which brings me to my fi nal donk move.
Donk move four: I was first into the pot and I limped (with A♦2♦). The 8♠3♣ in the blind never would have called and my nut flush draw bet on the flop would have taken it down. Instead I let in this lame rag 8♠3♣ hand and it was my undoing. Of course the flop comes Q♣8♦3♦. And of course I cripple myself beyond measure.
Arghghghghghghghghg.
Gross… gross… gross… arghgghghhghg.
Moral? Moral? You have got to be kidding me… moral, what moral? Poker is a whipping ground of probability curves and philosophical conundrums. We enter and leave it at our own risk. All you can count on is this: Play it well, develop a strong sense of self worth and maybe… just maybe… you will survive the blender that they call poker.
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