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Kato, we understand you’re a pretty good
card player.
I’ve been playing cards since I was a little
kid. I grew up in Wisconsin and we’d have Sunday
get-togethers with the family and watch the Packers
play. Afterwards, there’d always be a poker game,
so I was introduced to poker at a really young age and
I just loved it. I went on to play in a poker league
in LA, and when I saw what was going on with this poker
craze, I said to National Lampoon, “We’ve
got to do strip poker,” So we did.
What have you been doing since the OJ Simpson
trial?
I work over at National Lampoon. I have a new TV show
coming out in September. It’s called ‘An
Eye for an Eye’. It’s like a courtroom thing
and we have a judgement, but instead of having to pay
a fine the judge decides what the accused has to do
as a punishment. You get what you give. For example,
we had this guy who left his dog in his car so he had
to spend a week in the
pound. I’m the host of the show. Think Judge Judy
meets Jerry Springer meets Fear Factor.
Strip Poker is running all summer on pay-per-view and
after that we’re going to be shooting a load more
shows. We got all kinds of girls to match everybody’s
tastes, from DDs to A cups (Kato then mutters something
about a girl with an A cup in Los Angeles getting handicap
parking spaces).
Now, is this about girls or poker, Kato?
It’s about both. We have poker, which is the
best game in the world, and we have beautiful women;
it just makes perfect sense. We also have comedy sketches
in between. But as far as the poker goes, it’s
the real deal. Barbara Enright was the consultant on
the show and she was a 1996 bracelet winner.
But Barbara keeps her clothes on…
Barbara does, yes. The girls play serious poker, but
if they need chips they have to buy them with their
clothes. They have only five items of clothing and each
item is worth a certain amount of chips, so if they
want to go all-in they have to be nude.
Ingenious! And you shot this at Hedonism II
in Jamaica?
Yeh, this is a nudist club in Jamaica. Let’s
just say the first few days were the hardest.
Basically, there’s a nude side and a prude side,
and we shot on the prude side; but all the nude side
came over to watch us film. I stayed on the prude side
because I didn’t want to take off my clothes,
and because people were doing stuff over there that
you wouldn’t want to see.
Does being a big shot celebrity like Kato Kaelin
help you find love in these situations?
I hate to kiss and tell, but this is Bluff Magazine.
All the girls play poker one on one and there was this
girl name Tracy who was pretty special. We’ve
met up and played a lot of poker together. (Wistfully)
I’m in LA, she’s in New York, but we stay
in touch.
What were you doing before the OJ thing?
I had just done my first Coca Cola commercial. I’ve
been an actor my entire life, always pursuing that same
goal. I was an actor before, during and after the trial.
They say you’re America’s favorite
houseguest. Did you get your own place yet?
Actually, I can afford to live on my own couch these
days.
We just have to ask. What the hell were you
doing in OJ’s guest house?
I had a bungalow there. You know, being a houseguest
in Los Angeles is the best deal you can have. Everyday
someone comes up to me and says, “Hey, do you
know any great guesthouses?” If anyone knows about
guesthouses in LA, it’s me, because it’s
the best way to live.
Did you and OJ play a lot of golf in his back
yard?
He supposedly plays in his back yard. I never saw that,
though. I never played golf with him ever.
So you’re not a garden golfer, but we
hear you’re also one of the best celebrity poker
players…
I’d like to think I’m a good player. I
won a seat online to the Aruba Classic, but didn’t
play because I was doing this other TV show. I play
all the time. It’s basically about knowing the
statistics so you can stay ahead. Reading the players
is a very good thing, but statistics are gonna make
you win.
Where do you play in LA?
Lately I’ve been playing online at HollywoodPoker.com,
which is James Woods’ and Vince Van Patten’s
site – they’re friends of mine, and I also
play at a private house party on Monday and
Tuesday when I’m in town. They’re good players
and you get some big pots. One of the guys that hosts
the game has a TV show. But the police have busted two
houses recently, so we’re not telling anyone where
we play anymore. They’re really doing that now;
it’s terrible. It’s illegal in California
to have gambling at your house. It makes no sense.
Who’s the best celebrity player you’ve
ever played against?
I played recently at a poker tournament in Vegas and
James Woods was outstanding. He made it to the final
table twice while I was there. Jerry Buss, who owns
the Lakers, is probably one of the best players too.
You once played poker against Yanni. Is he
the biggest pussy in the world or what?
(Laughs) I didn’t know it was Yanni
at the time, but he started doing his music and put
me to sleep and took all the chips. Seriously, he’s
a nice enough dude. If he likes poker, he must be OK.
You have A-K and Yanni is representing A-A.
Do you: a) Hit him b) Hit him or c) fold?
I’d attack him with Kenny G’s Afro.
What’s your biggest bluff ever?
All in with 7-2 offsuit. I’ve done it three times
and won. Major money involved.
So 7-2 offsuit is ‘The Kato’?
‘The Kato’ would be bullets, but I rarely
get them. ‘The Kato’ is going home early.
And maybe an OJ would be ‘bullets’.
What do you think his biggest bluff ever was?
I don’t know, I’ve never played poker with
him.
What’s OJ’s glove size?
Hey man! Don’t go there…
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