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Because I am originally from Australia, I have what some people would call an accent. You could say that I pronounce things a little differently than the majority of the people in Las Vegas do, but then again, Las Vegas people are a little different anyway, so I guess I fit in somehow. Since I have not lived in Australia since 1998, I have developed quite an exotic accent — one that is sometimes hard to put a finger on, yet still people try. The number one guess these days is a close race, split between English and Boston. Now you might think: How can an Australian accent be mistaken for a Boston accent? Well, it’s not easy. It takes some serious work to sound like an English Bostonian when you are from Australia.
In poker and in life, I have found that acting can have its advantages. Over the last couple of years I have discovered a style of playing poker that some people may find interesting. I like to call it the “Accidental Tourist,” and in order to pull it off, you will need to be close to full power.
The Accidental Tourist is the player who has never actually played poker before; he has only seen it on television and has decided that, tonight, he is going to give poker a go. I must warm you, if you are even going to consider putting on the A.T. image, it takes immense concentration and power reserves. Poker players spend years perfecting their image. They practice those fancy chip tricks for hours on end. Well, if you are thinking of putting on the A.T. face for the session, you better leave the fancy moves at the door. In fact, you better forget how to do anything with chips. In order to be the best A.T. possible, not only can you not handle chips very well, you cannot count them to save your life. You cut your chips in stacks of two, maybe even in stacks of six; who knows? You need to work it, Baby, work it. You need to use about eighty percent of your power on this alone. Eighty percent may be a lot to use before you even sit down, but remember, handling chips is something that is instilled into your game. It is as second nature as tipping the dealer, so, in order to not give away your A.T. status, you must use a large amount of power.
Next step to becoming an A.T. is your physical image. You need to leave that iPod at home; the sunglasses too — unless you happen to own a pair like they wore in C.H.I.P.S. It always helps to have some tourist attributes. I am, of course, blessed, since I have my accent to get me across the line, but even if you don’t have an accent, you can simply show up to the game in a Hawaiian shirt, carrying a bag full of gifts from the gift shop. Next is your approach to the poker room — this is an extremely important step and must be followed very carefully.
You must not approach the poker room brush or board person. Just go directly to the empty seat. This achieves two things. First of all, if you are in a busy room, you could be waiting hours for a seat, so trying to take the first open one you see may get you in the game straight away. Secondly, if the dealer does in fact recognize that you have not come through the correct channels, then he or she will instruct you to visit the brush to put your name on the list like everyone else. If this should happen, then it’s a perfect chance to spout out an A.T. line. Something like, “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought this was blackjack,” or even, “Why do I have to put my name on a list?” Either way, you are going to gain some serious A.T. E.V. with the players at that table. If you get really lucky, when you do finally get called for a game, you will get the same table you tried to sit at earlier, and half of your work is already done. Total use of power reserves, 7%.
Now that you are at the table, you should have about 13% of your power left. The good news is this: Now you start to power up again. For the first hour of your session, you must plan on losing about half of your stack. Remember, losing money always powers you up. There are several key rules that you must try to adhere to, and I have listed them here for easy reference.
You are not allowed to remember your big blind, ever. You are not allowed to remember your small blind, ever. When making a raise, always string bet. Once the dealer has chastised you for string bets, your next bet or raise should be an all -in.
When looking at your hole cards, pretend that you are playing singledeck blackjack, one hand on the cards only. It is a great challenge to pretend that you do not know how to look at your cards properly, and when you have a good hand, you must ensure that somehow you do not expose your hole cards to your opponents. When you have rags, flash them like they are ads in the paper. You will be doing a good job of this only when one of the other players complains to the dealer that you are showing your hole cards.
Never ever bet the pot.
On your first big hand, bet and raise the minimum amount, every time. If you are playing a 1-2 blind game and you are first to bet, you must bet $2 every time. If someone raises you to $10, you must now try and make it $12.
Okay. Now that you have the basic guidelines set out, you should be on your way to etching out a great table image. Before long, you will notice that people start to change the way they play when you are in the pot. When playing the role of the A.T., you are the wild card. By acting like you don’t know what you’re doing, soon enough the other players will start to make elementary mistakes; some may even start to feel sorry for you and give you free cards when they should be betting.
Now that you have put in the necessary development work on your image, it’s time to kick it up a notch. It is time to get crazy aggressive. After an hour or so of image building, you can safely take on the role of the “over-betting maniac.” Having built your image for so long, you can now over-bet hands and get action. People will start to pay you off like crazy. After you have busted a couple of players, and as new ones start to sit down, you may wish to take off the mask and reveal your true poker-playing prowess to the table. This will only serve to put everyone on tilt and assist you with your chip-collecting quest. You can, of course, keep the mask on and stand up to leave when you are ahead. If you do wish to leave, make sure to pick up the chips and stuff as many as you can in your pockets — no using a rack like a civilized person.
I hope that you all have fun using this style of play. It makes playing poker so much more fun when I do it. Until next time … may the flop be with you … always.
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