A Poo-Poo Platter Of Poker
It's all you think about. It’s all you write about.
Except for the Entities.
On top of the WSOP, when you throw in our other business ventures (public relations, RawVegas.tv, MMAFix.com, financing guerrilla operations to overthrow oppressive regimes in third world nations), then squeezing out an interesting, well thought out column is about as likely as Kate Gosselin looking at her poor husband Jon and saying, “Hey, you know what… I’m sorry for being the biggest bitch in the history of television. So I’ve used all of our money to bring Vikki Blows over to the States for a weekend and convinced her to sleep with you. Have fun! Call me Monday!”
Our brains are fried. Our thoughts are literally all over the place. We can only think in scattered short bursts. But like a poo-poo platter, our short bursts are still filled with delicious little morsels. That’s why we present to you a Poo-Poo Platter of Poker for this column.
The Legend of Ass Girl
Part of our inability to focus undoubtedly has to do with the 2009 WSOP Girls on the Rail. While not as prolific (yet) as 2008, we’ve still had some extremely attractive girls show up this year. And one transcendent one.
The legend of Ass Girl seems to be growing by the day. We hear bits of pieces of how the events that happened on the evening of June 3rd, 2009 truly transpired. But at the end of the day, who really cares. All we know is a girl showed up in the Rio Amazon Room, revealed a nearly flawless ass, and walked off, never to be seen again.
Since then, her ass has been posted on or linked to on major sports blogs and websites, every prominent poker site… you name it. When we launch our Girls on the Rail Hall of Fame (seriously, we are) sometime this summer, Ass Girl will be a surefire first ballot inductee.
Why does this matter? It proves something we’ve always preached. It’s one of our core beliefs: A perfect ass can make people forget about their troubles just for one minute and make the world a better place.
Phil Ivey Tip of the Day
Phil Ivey is rumored to have won up to $6 million dollars in side bets during his run in capturing bracelets six and seven at the 2009 WSOP. So it probably doesn’t really matter that after winning bracelet number six (in Event #8), he just gave the entire $98,000 plus first-place prize to the dealers as a tip.
At least that’s what Mike Sexton told The Hardcore Poker Show the day after the win. Now we could probably think of 98,000 other things we’d do with $98,000 other than tip dealers with it, but maybe Ivey believes in My Name Is Earl-style good karma. Cause it seems to be working.
WCP Player Power Index – Iteration #6
We might as well rename RANDY “The Crutch”. Whenever we’re hard up for content, we turn to RANDY. As a reminder, RANDY ranks players on the following fi ve criteria: likeability, can we make fun of the person, pop culture relevance, media coverage, and actual tournament performance. The highest possible score is 1,000. For a refresher, our last RANDY update six months ago had the following rankings:
1) Annie Duke 2) Daniel Negreanu 3) Vanessa Rousso 4) Clonie Gowen 5) Wicked Chops Poker
1) Phil Ivey (Score: 934) – For the first time in over two years of RANDY projections, Phil Ivey occupies the top spot. With two bracelets (and counting) at the 2009 WSOP, and millions won in side bets, Ivey is reaffirming his place as poker’s best – and most talked about – player. Now if only he wasn’t into tipping the dealers so much…
2) Vanessa Rousso (Score: 933) – We fi gured Rousso would just be a flash in the pan in our RANDY rankings, but it turns out she’s got some staying power. After cracking the rankings for the first time when she appeared in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, Rousso has since signed a GoDaddy. com sponsorship deal, placed second at the NBC National Heads-Up Poker Championship, and won an EPT High Rollers event. Given that we docked Ivey a few points for tipping dealers, Rousso, a woman, almost claimed the top spot.
3) Daniel Negreanu (Score: 881) – Kid Poker is the only poker pro to occupy a spot in RANDY’s top five in each and every rankings. He’s having a strong WSOP, his guest cameo (briefly) made the cut in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and he’s lobbying for a spot on the Celebrity Apprentice, which, if he lands, will easily boost him back into the numero uno spot.
4) Annie Duke (Score: 798) – Annie is the Dexys Midnight Runners to Daniel Negreanu’s Michael Jackson. She unseated Daniel from the top spot in our last WCPPI on the strength of her pwning of the Celebrity Apprentice. She finished second, the buzz is fading some, and her RANDY ranking along with it.
5) Russia (Score: 501) – That damn country just keeps churning out more and more top notch players. Would score higher if it weren’t for that whole Communism thing.
