7 Things to Absolutely Not do at the 2008 WSOP

It's time for the WSOP. That fantastic six weeks every year when we sit inside the RIO, watch our skin tu pale, eat 3 times a day at the Sao Paulo, gain 25 pounds, and barel play any actual poker ourselves. It’s painful Yet, for some reason, the masochist in u likes it.

Last year we provided our WSOP Survival Guide. This year, we're going in a little bit of a different direction. Instead of what to do, we’re going to tell you what not to do. Here is the offi cial Wicked Chops Poker list of 7 Things to Absolutely Not Do at the 2008 WSOP.

For those who haven’t been to the RIO Hotel & Casino, the Sao Paulo is one of the most underrated restaurants in Vegas. It contains three of the best meals you’ll fi nd in Sin City: 1) blue cheese walnut salad, 2) prime rib dip, and 3) potato skins (seriously, great bacon, fresh tomatoes, unbelievable). However, most of you reading this probably don’t eat salad, and the other two options will make you even fatter. So while it’s conveniently located by the WSOP poker room, avoid the Sao Paulo at all costs. Of course, with your next best options being the WSOP Café and the Lucky Strike Lanes, you’re screwed any way you slice it. Just plan on looking closer to Tomer Benvinisti than Patrik Antonius when the WSOP is over. Sorry.

Last year, we made the fatal mistake of registering for the fi rst $1,500 No Limit Hold’em tournament (Event #3) on the day of the event. We did this because the day before literally consisted of all-day lines. And standing in line two days before the event requires way much more planning and insight than we are mentally capable of handling. So when we did fi nally register, we got stuck with alternate entries and didn’t get to play until near the end of the second level This year we’re just going to avoid the tournament all togeth ther. If we’re going to fi ght through 3,000 players, then we want a bigger payout than the $750,000 or so fi rst-place prize typically associated with these tournaments. There is much better value in some of the $2,000 and $3,000 events.

We’re defi nitely not saying that ANYONE from last year’s WSOP had a drug problem that kept him from appearing in the second day of any WSOP event last year. Let’s make that very clear. But let’s just say in the most purely hypothetical sense that if someone did, then that’s really not a good idea.

This “don’t do it” rule we could probably call the “Dmitri Nobles Principle.” Poker is fun. Poker is supposed to have attitude. But don’t be a jackass acting like you’re somebody when you haven’t done a damn thing yet on the felt. Only Jamie Gold is allowed to do this. On a somewhat unrelated note, do you realize that Jamie Gold was chip leader of the WSOP Main Event for like 19 straight days? That was sick. It was DiMaggio-streak sick. It was Keeley-Hazell-doing-topless-spreadsevery- month-for-the-past-three-years sick.

The guy to girl ratio in poker tournaments is horrible. It’s like going to a Rush concert. Or going to school at Georgia Tech. So if you are a girl playing at the WSOP, loosen up, don’t bundle up. It’s not like you’re going to win a bracelet anyway (unless it’s the Ladies Only event), so add some value and show a little skin. Joanna Krupa did it in 2006, and it was seriously awesome. Plus it’s great for our web traffi c when you do.

The past couple of years, Gavin Smith and Joe Sebok (and then Jeff Madsen) have done costume-based prop bets. The general gist is that whoever performed the worst during the course of the WSOP had to wear something stupid to the Main Event. For Sebok in ’06, it was a bear suit. For Gavin and Madsen last year, it was a jester’s outfi t. But there are some inherent problems with the bet: 1) as Sebok attested to over and over again, a bear suit is too hot and cumbersome to play poker in, which you don’t want to deal with in a tournament where the winner will make north of $8 million, and 2) Gavin will likely buy out of the bet, which defeats so much of the joy in winning it, and Madsen actually looked like a legit jester, again draining some of the joy. So even if you win, you don’t really win.

1. Play through a stroke.

Last year, Eskimo Clark suffered not one but two strokes during WSOP tournaments. And both times he kept playing through it. Um… it was a stroke! Who could possibly be so hard up for cash that he’d risk his life to… wait… actually, half the tournament fl oor probably would do the same thing. Never mind.